Friday, May 24, 2013

faces in the flowers

I'm not sure if I've ever been so in love with words before. They immediately bring me back to time when my life changed. Not a drastic, earth shattering change. But a small, whisper of a change. A change that isn't noteworthy to anyone but myself. And this particular moment still brings me to tears even as I write this.

Cole and I had just packed up our little life and moved to Hawaii (that in itself requires it's own special post which I plan on getting to one day). Just so you know, I'm not one of those people who does that. And by "that" I mean "just picks up and moves". I'm more of a stay-in-one-place kinda girl. I'm that 20 year old who's crying alone in a corner on the college campus during my first day (again, probably deserves it's own post but it's pretty embarrassing so I'm not sure if I'll get to that one). But, I guess that's the best thing about life, I thought I knew who I was and it turns out I met a boy who saw something in me and had the audacity to bring it out.

At this point we had been living in paradise for a couple weeks. Life was settling in and we were so in love with every minute of it. Every day was perfectly simple and presented me with the chance to see the world in a way I had never known before. I woke up before the sun one morning and decided to put on my running shoes to go for a jog. It started out as every jog did; finding my favorite song and getting in my rhythm. I can still feel the ever so slight Hawaiian breeze that brushed across my face. I can still smell it. I came to the point on my jog where the road took a slight curve. I looked up and there it was. The golden sun was just beginning to peak over the greenest of green mountains. The clouds were so strategically placed and spaced out that it created the perfect combination of sun and cloud. It seemed as if the clouds gave the sun just enough room so it could disperse it's vibrant light in the most glorious way. I had never in my life seen anything more beautiful. Or maybe I had, but I just hadn't had the ability to recognize it before? My eyes filled with tears so quickly that they barreled over and were streaming down my face. It felt as if this was the very first time I was seeing a sunrise. It's beauty overwhelmed my heart to the point where I just stood in complete awe. In that moment, every emotion that I have ever known rushed through my body all at once. I was joyful, scared, grateful, empowered, powerless, ecstatic, heavyhearted, blessed, and bewildered all at the same time. It became so apparent to me that every decision that I that I had made in my life had brought me to this to this place. Not just physically, but mentally as well. But the biggest realization that I came to was that so few people will ever have the opportunity to slow their lives down enough to let a sunrise overtake them. That so few people will ever feel tears rush down their face as they witness the most amazing gift that was given to us. We all see sunrises and sunsets, but so few people will let it fill their soul. This most magnificent of acts, a sunrise, had occurred every single day of my life. But it took me 24 years to actually see it for the first time. As I stood there in that precious moment, at the mercy of our amazing world, I was changed.

And it was there, on the side of Farrington Highway, that I vowed to myself that I would always feel sunrises.

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